god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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