My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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