he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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