yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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