I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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