He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
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You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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