I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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