mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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