I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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