Don't you send me to vm
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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