Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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