Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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