I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize