Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.

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(856): so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug. http://tfl.nu/yra7

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(775): View more from Nevada

What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

(1-775): View more from Nevada

A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

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(775): What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS? (1-775): A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass! http://tfl.nu/lvgp

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(802): View more from Vermont

Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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(802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af

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(813): View more from Florida

Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.

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(813): Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever. http://tfl.nu/e0dp

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I need new friends

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(508): Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag (508): I need new friends http://tfl.nu/z8hc

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.

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(617): his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family. http://tfl.nu/jlgb

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig

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(414): I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig http://tfl.nu/ouz6

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one

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(580): Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one http://tfl.nu/xo36

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(810): View more from Michigan

You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

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(810): You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/18uj

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(712): View more from Iowa

Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.

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(712): Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS. http://tfl.nu/utzb

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

I like the way you think.

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(303): I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming. (1-303): I like the way you think. http://tfl.nu/s14n

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(408): View more from California

Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos

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(408): Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos http://tfl.nu/v3p3

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(352): View more from Florida

You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

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(352): You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time. http://tfl.nu/k82l

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(302): View more from Delaware

This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.

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(302): This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy. http://tfl.nu/3zpx

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(513): View more from Ohio

Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY

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(513): Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY http://tfl.nu/rc9r

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