if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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