so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
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im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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