I think my vagina is haunted
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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