Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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