i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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