I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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