Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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