Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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