I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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