I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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