bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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