the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize