News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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