do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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