this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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