i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize