Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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