ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize