My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've blown a few things in my day
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize