I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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