And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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