I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
tell me about the eggs
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