party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
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So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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