I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize