I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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