I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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