Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh god the rape fog is back!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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