im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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