3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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