the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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