I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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