That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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