New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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