I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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