Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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