I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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